Taoism              - Shit happens.
Confucianism        - Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism            - If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Jehovah's witness   - We'll leave you a pamphlet on this shit.
Zen-Buddhism        - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism            - This shit happened before.
Islam               - If this shit happens it is the will of Allah.
Christian Scientist - Shit doesn't really happen.
Protestantism       - Let shit happen to someone else. 
Catholicism         - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism             - Why does shit always happen to us?
TV Evangelists      - Shit will happen unless you send $100 by Friday.
Satanism            - Eat shit and die.
Quakers             - Shit happens from within.
Baptists            - I'll be dipped in shit
Atheism             - I don't believe this shit.
New Age             - We are all in the shit together.
Rastafarians        - Good shit, mon!
Fundamentalists     - Shit happens to everyone but us.
Freemasonry         - Secret shit!
Mormons             - Shit happens, but at least I'm wearing clean underwear.
Agnostics           - What is this shit?
7th Day Adventism   - No shit on Saturdays.
Hedonism            - There's nothing like a good shit.
Existentialism      - What is shit, anyway?
Calvinism           - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Capitalism          - The more you work, the more you don't have to take shit.
Cartesian           - I think, therefore I shit
Materialism         - Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
McCarthyism         - Are you now, or have you ever been, a shit?
Positive thinking   - Shit is what you make it.